by Gary Chapman

This is a conversation starter.  A Christian who has worked with thousands of couples, Chapman diagnoses five basic "languages" in which every one of us show love and feel loved.  Chances are, you and your spouse speak different "love languages." As with any language barrier, you could be saying the right things, but in a way that they don't understand.   

For Jen and I, this is our go-to marriage book.  We first read it decades ago and use language from it constantly.  It really does help to know what your default is - the ways you naturally  feel loved - and to know how you can best show your spouse you love them.

By Louis Gigglio

Psalm 23:5 says that God "prepares for me a table in the presence of my enemies."  What a wonderful idea - the Lord wants to have dinner with me!  However, too often I allow Satan to pull up a chair.  He pulls my attention away from seeing how much the Lord loves me and has done for me.  

We first read through this as a family (that's our Sunday dinner routine), and I was able to begin it with middle school girls this past year.  A good read that invites us to "win the battle for your mind."  

By Thom S. Rainer

There is much hand wringing over dead and dying churches - in fact Thom Rainer wrote a lot about it!  Here he takes a different approach: looking at churches that pulled back from an unhealthy place toward healthy and vital ministry.  

In this quick read, Anatomy points out seven characteristics of these "revived" churches.  It's spot on, and I highly recommend it.  

By J. Mack Stiles.  

Sharing the Gospel is one of the most intimidating tasks a Christian encounters.  Yet we know the stakes: whether someone believes is literally about life and death. Why is it so hard, when I care about them so much?   

This is a fantastic, quick read that talks about sharing the gospel within the context of the whole church.  No lectures, no talking down, no rote format.  Just practical advice on how evangelism is a whole church activity.  

By Jim Van Yperen

What is your default conflict style?  Aggressive? Passive? Evasive? Defensive? We all have one, and, unfortunately, we all tend to think that our default response to conflict is the "right" one.  Yet they're all tainted by sin; and when allowed to run on their own, can cause great damage to ourselves and others.  

I was introduced to Making Peace twenty years ago as part of the church retooling process. Even though it is written with church conflict in mind, it's been really helpful in recognizing my own shortcomings in every relationship.  My goal in conflict should be winning, or keeping the peace, but making peace, seeking God's glory for all involved.  

Change is often treated as a four-letter word: something you don't talk about in polite company, and especially in church.  However, while we may be resistant to change ourselves, the world around us just keeps moving.  Plant your feet in sand for too long and eventually the tide will swallow you up.  

I was introduced to Iceberg in seminary (it's a companion to Kotter's work on leading change).  While it's not a specifically Christian book, I've found that it's approach is timeless.  Our goal is not to change... our goal is to create a culture of change: one that is nimble and adaptable to changing conditions, while maintaining a firm grasp on the timeless Gospel of Jesus Christ.    

By Peter Scazerro

The tagline says it all: "It's impossible to be spiritually mature while remaining emotionally immature."  After serving as a pastor for years, Scazerro realized that he had been pursuing spiritual maturity while allowing his emotions to remain immature, with disastrous results for his marriage and ministry.  

This is another author I first encountered through church retooling work (his first work, Emotionally Healthy Church, is out of print, but I have plenty of copies here). When we concentrate on one area of our minds - reason, emotion, intellect - and neglect the others, an imbalance occurs that infects everything.  Like an iceberg, most of who we are is below the surface.  If we don't attend to this, we end up shipwrecked.  Highly, highly recommend.

By Aaron Menikoff

"The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control" says Galatians 5, and there isn't a true Christian who can disagree.  However, as Menikoff asserts, "fruit is" is a singular phrase: one fruit, made of many parts.  While we tend to think of these attributes individually, the Lord wants us to think of them collectively.  

In this helpful book, Aaron Menikoff helps us develop these "components" of the fruit within the whole collection, recognizing that one bad part of an apple can spoil the whole thing.